A complicating factor of therapy is that often what brings you to therapy are the very same things that make you not want to be in therapy. Whether you’re at the beginning of your journey or have been engaged in therapy for some time, the process naturally involves ambivalence and moments of resistance. This article explores one of these phenomena: the flight to health.

Ambivalence is Part of Therapy

Therapy involves coming into contact with painful emotional states such as anxiety, shame, sadness, vulnerability, anger, uncertainty and conflict. While you are working through these feelings in therapy, defence mechanisms may be operating in the background and, unbeknownst to you, are trying to get rid of your unwanted feelings. The nature of therapy is therefore conflicted, it naturally involves ambivalence and some of the time (or even all of the time) you may have one foot in the consulting room and one foot out the door.

What is a Flight to Health?

A flight to health refers to a phenomenon in therapy that occurs when defence mechanisms have taken hold and you experience a spontaneous recovery. In this state, the problems that brought you to therapy appear to vanish, issues seemingly resolve, you may be convinced you feel better, you’re thankful therapy has worked, you believe you no longer need your therapist anymore and life is good now. By seizing recovery, any further contact with uncomfortable emotions can be put out of mind.

When a Flight to Health is Likely

Certain situations can make a flight to health more likely. These include:

• Periods of celebration or relief:Holidays, the arrival of pleasant weather or the end of a crisis can make it seem as though problems are resolved.

• Early stages of therapy: When the realities of addressing problems set in, the resulting anxiety might feel intolerable.

• Overwhelming sessions or phases in therapy: Working through a trauma or experiencing intense feelings (i.e., too positive or too negative) toward your therapist can bring about a retreat into apparent recovery.

• Breaks in therapy: When you or your therapist take a break, the disruption can stir up mixed feelings and create space for defences to creep in.

Bringing Unconscious Process to Awareness in Therapy

Defence mechanisms operate beyond conscious awareness, making them hard to navigate alone. Therapy helps you safely engage with the uncomfortable emotions these defences mask. When ambivalence arises, discussing it with your therapist allows it to be thought about and understood, making it a meaningful part of your therapeutic work.

December 2024

Denial is often referred to as a primitive or archaic defence because it originates in early life, at a preverbal and prelogical stage of development. It is a non-reflective process that distorts reality — essentially a “not knowing” of what one does know. It has an omnipotent, magical quality that is reminiscent of the magical thinking characteristic of early childhood. As we grow, lower-order defences like denial give way to more advanced mechanisms, as our ability to test reality matures. Still, traces of denial remain visible in moments of acute distress. For instance, our first reaction to a catastrophe or the news of a death may be, “Oh, no!” — a fleeting belief that if we don’t acknowledge it, it isn’t happening.

The Aim of Therapy and the Role of Defence Mechanisms

One important aim of therapy is to help us bear our existence — to be able to tolerate ourselves and life itself. Defence mechanisms have a similar purpose and begin unconsciously as healthy and creative adaptations. We use defences in an effort to avoid or manage traumatic or destabilising emotional experiences, such as anxiety, grief, envy, or shame; as well as to maintain our self-esteem (i.e., a strong, consistent, positively valued sense of self).

What is denied is not the objective existence of an experience, but the unwelcome idea or meaning associated with it. For instance, we might downplay a social embarrassment to preserve feelings of confidence, or tell ourselves a situation is better than it really is to remain hopeful. In bereavement, denying the reality of loss can support adjustment; we may half-expect a loved one to return home, even while knowing they cannot. Recognising our mortality and the inevitability of death does not prevent us from largely living in denial of it, as we systematically and persistently avoid thoughts about our vulnerability to death in order to actively engage with life. The denial of death anxiety may also allow heroic lifesaving acts in frighteningly dangerous conditions, such as during crises, emergencies or war.

When Denial Becomes Problematic

While denial can serve as an adaptive mechanism, reliance upon denial or at the cost of overall functioning can lead to significant problems. At a psychotic level, reality or some aspect of it, is not just ignored, but rather is refused and possibly with an attempt to replace it. Problematic examples of denial include: Neglecting one’s health by avoiding doctor visits or ignoring warning signs and symptoms. Engaging in high-risk sexual behaviour, substance use or thrill-seeking despite dangers. Disregarding the harm of abusive relationships, including overlooking evidence of child mistreatment. Claiming to be unaffected by the painful impacts of a traumatic experience. Not wanting to know about loss by maintaining a more favourable view of the past or a relationship. Dismissing human needs and vulnerabilities, such as overvaluing self-sufficiency. Failing to recognise personal limits, whether through burnout or the realities of aging by continuing to live independently or drive despite safety concerns.

Denial and Seeking Support

Denial involves varying degrees of selective distortion of reality. To some extent, we all use denial when life’s realities feel too overwhelming to confront, yet impossible to ignore. However, when denial hinders our ability to see ourselves truthfully, engage with life’s realities, or seek support and maintain meaningful connections with others, it may be a sign that professional help is needed. If this resonates with you or someone you care about, consider reaching out. Starting a therapeutic conversation with one of our insightful psychologists can be life changing.

November 2024

This time of year marks a pivotal moment for aspiring psychologists as they anxiously await offers for postgraduate psychology programs. While the demanding journey to becoming a medical doctor is generally recognised and depicted in popular media, the path to becoming a psychologist is less understood. In Australia, the title ‘Psychologist' is legally protected and can only be used by those who have completed an accredited sequence of study. Most psychologists undergo at least six years of training, with some adding more years if they study part-time or pursue a doctorate degree. There are different pathways to becoming a psychologist, and while I can’t speak to them all, I can share some of my own experience to offer insight into what it takes to sit in the chair across from you and ask, 'What brings you to therapy?'

Whether therapy is an art or a science remains a subject of debate. I pursued psychology through an Arts degree, while many of my peers chose Science. Among the 1,000 of us who attended lectures in our first year, we were told that fewer than 10% would secure a place in the fourth-year Honours program, and fewer still would progress to postgraduate training. Alongside learning about Pavlov’s dog and classical conditioning, it was also impressed upon us that the course was intentionally rigorous and designed to encourage attrition to weed out those who did not have the requisite attributes for further study and beyond.

Five years later, I reached my Honours year in psychology after taking a circuitous route, combining Creative Arts with an Arts degree and ending up with majors in visual media, psychology and criminology. By this point, I had set my sights on becoming a forensic psychologist only to discover just how competitive it would be – there were six places in the only pure forensic psychology doctorate in the country with an intimidating number of applicants well into the hundreds. I was told that strong candidates typically excelled in statistics, which did little to inspire confidence! Honours brought a new level of intensity, introducing a research project and thesis alongside the familiar written assignments and exams. That year, I studied harder than ever before.

Hoping to broaden my chances of being selected somewhere, like others I also applied for a number of postgraduate degrees. The interview for the Doctorate in Forensic Psychology was by far the most daunting. As I waited my turn, I met other applicants, some returning year after year to try again, having been told they needed more experience. When my name was called, I was seated at a small table, feeling marooned on an island surrounded by a sea of academics – there would have been close to ten in the room. My fate rested in their hands. They fired questions at me so quickly that the interview was over before it felt like it had even begun.

Including undergraduate years, we covered a broad range of subjects from psychopathology and behavioural neuroscience to law in social theory, ethics, research methods; as well as psychological assessment and intervention. The forensic doctorate included a formidably large research project and thesis, as well as professional experience as a provisional psychologist on placement working in settings such as a secure forensic mental health hospital, the Children’s Court Clinic, prison, community corrections and drug and alcohol treatment services. I also spent countless hours at train stations, community centres and at youth justice sites seeking research participants and interviewing them for a study about the intersection between developmental transitions and pathways toward and/or away from offending behaviour. While our peers had long finished their studies and were progressing their careers, we were still at university working as research assistants, teaching, in office administration or other entry level jobs.

In total, I accumulated thousands of unpaid hours on student placement. I developed a vitamin D deficiency from spending so little time outside, and the sheer amount of reading and writing strained my eyes to the point that I needed prescription glasses — an issue that resolved not long after submitting my thesis. We sacrificed time with friends and family, along with leisure, exercise, healthy eating and sleep. My research supervisor, who was also known as a musician, seemed to live the life of a night owl. Before a critical deadline, it was relieving to be able to send him a draft of my thesis chapters in the middle of the night and receive his feedback before morning. At times we shared classes with the clinical and health psychology doctoral students. We were told that if we looked healthy, we weren’t working hard enough. One faculty member remarked that a previous student had been unrecognisable after the course because she looked so well. Former medical doctor Adam Kay has written about the paradox of working within the health field, which simultaneously neglects the wellbeing of health practitioners. Hearing more recent stories from junior psychologists gives me hope that the culture of training programs is shifting in a more positive direction. In our cohort, one doctoral candidate dropped out before the course began and another in our first year. Of the remaining four, three of us graduated together.

While we celebrated finally being registered psychologists, we still weren’t forensic psychologists. Next, we had to become psychology registrars and complete further supervised practice before receiving our forensic title. The duration of the registrar program varies, lasting a year or more depending on qualifications and time taken to meet all requirements.

I thought I had finished studying, but not long after the doctorate I found myself with the urge to return and applied for the Master of Clinical Psychology. During the day I worked as a forensic psychologist around my clinical placements in the student clinic and later in a hospital outpatient program. My evenings were spent attending classes, and weekends and annual leave were taken up writing assignments and working on my thesis. Once again after graduating, I had to complete the registrar program before receiving the title clinical psychologist.

After completing the clinical masters course, my academic journey still wasn’t over. I felt dissatisfied with interventions that lacked depth, often oversimplifying the complexities of individual experience and overlooking a highly significant aspect in any process of change — the therapy relationship itself. This led me toward attachment informed and developmental-relational approaches, and applying for another four-year training, this time to become a psychoanalytic psychotherapist. The program is demanding, involving a one-year infant observation, where, as the name suggests, you closely observe an infant’s development within their caregiver environment over their first year of life. Alongside this, we engaged in clinical and theoretical seminars, supervised practice, and attended our own therapy sessions at least twice a week, in addition to completing extensive written assessments. By now, I have lost count of how many years of tertiary education I have completed — it must be somewhere around twenty. Yet as a psychologist, the learning never truly ends, whether through structured training or informally drawing knowledge from ongoing engagement with literature, professional relationships, and experiences within the consulting room, we are always evolving and developing.

At Illume Psychology, we’re committed to more than just managing symptoms; our focus is on nurturing genuine development and wellbeing so you can enjoy a more enriched and fulfilling life. This philosophy is one we share as a team, continuously supporting and inspiring each other’s growth — both personally and professionally — as we aim to deliver the highest quality psychology care to our community.

— Written by Dr Poppy Edwards

October 2024

We began September by acknowledging Father’s Day. While we celebrate and express gratitude for the important father figures in our lives, we may also navigate complicated relationships, and encounter feelings of absence and loss.

Historically, it has been observed that the paradox of patriarchy is that whilst the father is regarded as ‘head’ of the family, he is at the same time limited from being a central figure within it. When it comes to parental involvement, fathers are consistently found to be less engaged with, accessible to, and responsible for their children. Fathers have often been narrowly characterised as providers of secondary parenting — such as financial resources, discipline, or gender role modelling — rather than as directly involved in the care and nurturing of their children’s development. Gradually, this is changing and there is greater recognition of the important role fathers have in the lives of their children.

The role of the father may be particularly socio-culturally sensitive and has undergone many revisions over time. Attention has been given to the unique role of fathers, with some evidence for fathers as exciting play partners who engage their children in boisterous, stimulating and emotionally intense play that encourages exploration, resilience to stress and being socially responsive. However, it is considered that children need not just a stimulating or authoritative father, but one that is also capable of nurturance and who can offer a loving space to the mother/partner, as well as be a source of comfort to the child.

Frosh (1997) emphasises that —

“to father a child requires something other than the traditional boundary-setting and prohibitive stance…but to reach out in a loving way requires a shift in masculine consciousness, involving not just some more gentleness but a whole gamut of alterations in relations of dependency, intimacy, vulnerability and trust. On the whole, the more fragile masculinity becomes, the more desperately men cling to its vestiges, doing the opposite of what fathering requires”.

A reliable finding is that the important dimensions of parental influence are those related to parental characteristics such as warmth, nurturance and closeness, rather than gender-related characteristics.

As we reflect on the complexities of fatherhood, we recognise the challenges many face, whether in being a father or in their relationship with their own father. Our dedicated team of psychologists is here to help you navigate these complexities with care and understanding.

September 2024

Our first mirror is our mother’s face. It is through her gaze that we begin to understand who we are. This early mirroring is fundamental to development. It is a process of reflection that informs a perception of self and by which our emotions are recognised and responded to by another. Consistent and empathic mirroring is essential for feeling alive, real and connected in relationships.

When the Self is Not Reflected

Mirroring necessitates that the caregiver is emotionally available and functioning well enough to respond in a way that is useful for the infant’s developing sense of self. When mirroring is absent, disrupted or distorted, shame is incorporated into the developing self and becomes a core around which the personality is formed. A felt sense of somehow being defective or unlovable may be more recognisable on the surface than the underlying shame. Missing out on adequate mirroring can also contribute to relationship instability, feeling isolated and disconnected, as well as trouble recognising the impact you have on others.

Therapeutic Mirroring

Therapeutic mirroring occurs when the therapist provides the necessary reflective process that was missing during early development. It is through this experience of seeing oneself in the eyes/mind of another that you come to see yourself more clearly and know your own mind. In other words, it takes a relationship to heal what has been wounded in relationship. At Illume Psychology we are dedicated to establishing a therapeutic relationship within a nurturing space where you are seen, held and safe to allow the fragile true self to emerge.

August 2024

Development of the Shadow

Our sense of self begins to develop naturally during early childhood. We start to take ownership of and identify with more idealised qualities as they are praised in our environment. We eagerly embrace and reflect these “light” and “acceptable” attributes to ourselves and display them to others.

Alongside this process of curating our identity, we are simultaneously, and at times unconsciously, creating a shadow self by burying qualities deemed “dark” and “unacceptable” by our parents, peers and society. We learn to repress traits, beliefs, emotions and impulses that do not fit with the ideal image of ourselves, thereby denying our shadow’s existence.

Seeing Your Own Shadow

Sometimes we are fascinated by the shadow and may approach it with playful curiosity. At other times, we may be frightened and tread cautiously, only catching glimpses with our hands over our eyes.

In the presence of others, we might encounter our shadow as characteristics or actions of another person such as an angry colleague, an extroverted friend or a competitive sibling. It may be more comfortable to look at our shadow from a distance where it feels safer to observe.

We may also witness our shadow sneak into our lives and be a cause for concern. Our shadow can be recognised within ourselves as mood instability, a relationship with substances, irregular eating patterns, or with others, as workplace conflicts or difficulties within intimate relationships.

In the words of Carl Jung, “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious”. The shadow, therefore, is not something to fear, but rather an aspect of ourselves to acknowledge and consider.

Illuminating the Shadow

Over time, through the delicate process of therapy, we can work together to explore both the light and the dark, the conscious and unconscious, the acceptable and unacceptable allowing your shadow to be seen, held and integrated. When we are open to all parts of ourselves, we gain the opportunity to navigate our emotions and conflicts with increased awareness, engage more authentically in our relationships and experience a greater sense of coherence and wellbeing.

Source: Meeting the Shadow: The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature,  written by Connie Zweig

July 2024

An important focus of ours at Illume Psychology is balancing connection and independence because it is crucial to healthy relationship functioning and psychological wellbeing. Merger-enmeshment occurs when independence is denied and there is a lack of boundaries and separation in relationships. A merger can occur between a parent and child, within a family, or with a romantic partner or friend.

What is merger-enmeshment?

A defining feature of merger-enmeshment is excessive emotional involvement. Rather than the development of true intimate connection (otherwise expressed as healthy emotional dependency), two selves instead become so intertwined or merged together that they operate as though they are one. The merger is not always equally contributed to, and one person may feel more engulfed or intruded upon than the other, and it can be a struggle to extricate oneself from the merger.

Relationship pattern

In relationships affected by merger-enmeshment, there is often no privacy or personal space. The parent, partner or friend may demand unrestricted access to one’s mind, body and life. Without an awareness of the separate existence of the other in the relationship, needs are not able to be perceived or responded to, and can blur. Likewise, thoughts, feelings and identity dissolve into the other’s and become indistinguishable. The merger may also involve a claim to specialness whereby the other feels a need and entitlement to be treated as most important, and the existence of other relationships is not well tolerated.

Impact on interpersonal and psychological functioning

In a merger, emotional closeness and love is confused and equated with a symbiotic lack of separation, and exclusion is felt in the relationship without this symbiosis. What results is a pressure for sameness in relationships, and differences and individuality are not permitted. Consequently, an individual self is not encouraged or given the conditions to emerge, and a relationship may become a requirement in order to maintain the illusion of wholeness. In a merger, there is no distinct Self that can think freely and operate with a mind of one’s own.

Seeking help

If you recognise these patterns to a greater or lesser extent in your relationships, a therapeutic process with a knowledgeable psychologist can help you to discover where you end and others begin, empowering you to claim your individuality, establish boundaries and create nurturing relationships. For more information or to schedule an appointment, please contact us.

June 2024

Mothering and motherhood have been especially on our minds this month as we acknowledged Mother’s Day. It’s a time often dedicated to celebrating the incredible role of mothers. At Illume Psychology, we also understand that Mother’s Day can evoke a mix of emotions and memories, and may be a complicated as well as difficult time.

From the moment of our birth, we are connected to a mother. She is often our first and most profound relationship, shaping our journey through life. Whether we experience the warmth of her embrace, a conflictual and fractured bond, or the absence of her presence, the influence of maternal figures leaves an indelible mark on our development. The relationship with our mother is a crucial area for therapeutic work, insight and psychological growth.

Becoming a mother is also a profound transformation, evoking a range of emotions from boundless love and immense joy to great responsibility and heartache. It is an existential shift, altering the very fabric of being and identity. For some, it's a dream fulfilled, while for others, it may be a path marked by longing and unmet desires. Regardless of its form, motherhood encompasses a multitude of experiences — from the joys of nurturing to the challenges of dependency, ambivalence, and even grief. It's a journey of love, loss, and growth. In one way or another, the stories of motherhood touch us all.

As we navigate the complexities of adulthood, we also learn the importance of nurturing our inner child and mothering ourselves. Depending on the experiences we've had, we may not have internalised a nurturing mother figure, which can impact our ability to care for ourselves emotionally. Providing the love, care, and support we need is a journey of self-discovery and healing. It's about embracing our vulnerabilities, soothing our own wounds, and finding solace in our own embrace. Therapy can help us reconnect with parts of ourselves that need nurturing and compassion, allowing us to heal from past relational traumas and unmet needs.

Whether you are reflecting on your relationship with your mother, navigating the journey of motherhood yourself, or seeking to nurture your inner child, our team is dedicated to supporting your wellbeing and path toward a more fulfilling life.

May 2024

In today’s fast-food society, our culture not only revolves around the food we ingest into our body, but also concerns how we feed our mind. Consequently, there has been a proliferation of fast-food therapy that is delivered and consumed so quickly that it barely touches the sides! At Illume Psychology, we are dedicated to an approach that cultivates nutrient-rich therapy, emotionally nourishing experiences and sustainable growth.

Eating is a fundamental human activity that can be impacted by shifts in emotions and wellbeing. When feelings are unable to be voiced and given emotional significance and recognition, they can become confined to the body and form a ‘body-mind’. When this occurs, thinking takes place in the body rather than in the mind and bodily actions are used as communication. Said differently, deeply felt experiences that are unable to be spoken about may be manifested in the body (i.e., when words fail, the body speaks). Maintaining discipline or control over the body can be a strategy to create psychological equilibrium and interpersonal effectiveness. Eating and/or not eating then can compensate for an emotional or relationship absence. Food is seen to take the place of desire for connection and emotional contact in which “wanting, longing, hunger, yearning, and the vulnerability of reaching with one’s appetite towards the ‘world of others’ is subverted” (Petrucelli, 2016). Our relationship with food can tell us about our relationship with others and what kind of emotional nourishment we have or have not received.

Serious problems with eating necessitate integrative thinking. Eating disorders are complex, multi-determined and require a multidisciplinary care team.

April 2024

‘Splitting’ is a psychological concept that describes an intricate pattern of thinking and behaviour that is also observable in relationships and interpersonal dynamics. It refers to a way of organising and perceiving experiences as either all good or all bad, with little to no nuance or grey area in between.

When splitting is relied upon regularly it can affect mental health and form part of a problematic personality structure. The tendency toward splitting may emerge when there is a struggle to navigate ambivalence or uncertainty and leads to viewing others and situations in extreme terms. Thinking styles such as all or nothing thinking, black and white thinking, as well as idealisation and devaluation are various forms of splitting. Rapid shifts from good to bad can create unstable relationships, for example when affection is suddenly replaced with more hostile feelings. Such opposing views can also occur within oneself where there can be fluctuation between a strong positive self-regard and hyper-criticalness, self-punishment or feelings of worthlessness.

Addressing splitting in therapy involves working toward a more balanced and integrated perception of oneself, others and experiences. It involves a meaningful and reflective therapeutic process with a focus on psychological development.

March 2024

“I knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then.” – Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Constructing a Self is a fundamental developmental process. We are continuously evolving, forming and revising our sense of who are are, which occurs through the telling and re-telling of stories about oneself, and also to oneself. It is the coherence and continuity of these stories over time that when woven into a narrative, become our identity.

The Self is a complex and multidimensional concept that is variously described within the field of psychology, as well as across other fields including philosophy, sociology and anthropology. When you have a solid sense of self, the boundary between Self and Other (or ‘me’ and ‘not-me’) is clearly defined. If you have trouble establishing and maintaining firm boundaries, it may be that you are in need of developing a stronger sense of self. Your self-concept may be largely positive or negative, and includes your self-worth, self-esteem and self-efficacy/belief. Having a negative self-concept may be reflected in the stories you tell about yourself (e.g., critical or degrading) and associated with feeling sad or anxious, lacking confidence, as well as perfectionism. You are more likely to be fulfilled when you have a strong and positive self-concept because you have more of a Self guiding you through life and shaping your experiences, rather than being influenced by external forces.

Nurturing a strong and positive self-concept is a focus of therapeutic work. A negative self-concept may be deeply entrenched as a result of being reinforced from childhood. Perhaps no Self has been able to grow and there is an emptiness inside. Sometimes the Self is felt to be unstable and regularly shifting, making life chaotic, confusing and full of ups and downs. Or perhaps what has developed is a False Self that has been stamped and imposed from the outside, rather than cultivated and unfolded from within. It is within an ongoing therapeutic conversation with a skilled therapist that the Self is gradually revised and re-formed through the telling and re-telling of stories that supports the growth of a robust and authentic Self.

February 2024

Our theme this month at Illume Psychology is ‘rupture and repair’, which refers to the breaking and restoring of connection within relationships. Connection or attachment to others is an important determinant of psychological development and therefore, rupture and repair is central to wellbeing. Ruptures involve any disruption to a connection and can be big or small, such as a minor frustration or a devastating loss of trust. When development goes well, ordinary ruptures are experienced as less threatening to a relationship because there has been a history of repair that provides security and the knowledge that when negative/angry feelings arise, positive/loving feelings will return.

Moving through cycles of rupture and repair provides the foundation for enjoying healthy emotional dependency in close relationships that allows for meaningful connection and true intimacy. Restoring emotional bonds following a rupture through attentive listening, understanding and empathic responding not only deepens relationships, but also encourages psychological growth. When empathic failures rupture a relationship repeatedly without repair, we may feel alone and helpless, as well as become sad, withdrawn and insecure. Ruptures are an inevitable part of all relationships, even the therapy relationship and offer rich, fertile ground for growth and development when embraced as an opportunity for attachment and psychological work.

January 2024